Oh, c'mon. Admit it. You've got one.

Whether you're a swinging singleton or happily coupled, you've got a list secretly compiled in your head. You know the one I'm talkin' about: the List of People I'd Like to BLANK [insert euphemism for sex here].

Perhaps it's not as straightforward as fantasy blanking. You may have placed this fantasy figure on your List because you feel they'd be an interesting person. You may imagine engaging in thoughtful conversation with this witty, charming and charismatic Object of Desire. And then you'd BLANK.

I realize that some of the people on your List are people you actually know ... your neighbour, your best friend's boyfriend, etc., ... but I'm not referring to those people. I refer only to the pure, unattainable fantasy figure -- the celebrity -- whose image and/or public persona is so compelling as to inspire those lusty thoughts. Of course, you don't have to be Freud to understand that the object of your desire is a mere screen onto which you project all your deepest, sublimated desires. Yeah, yeah, whatever. Save it for the couch in your therapist's office.

I thought I'd share mine with the world, for no reason greater than it'd be a fun exercise. Incidentally, I've already shared my List with Richard, and his with me. Charlize Theron topped Richard's List, in case you're curious.

This is in no particular order of Blankabilitiy.

1. John Cusack. "Guy I Most Wanted to Date in Highschool". The American actor Cusack's made a career out of playing the loser. The motor-mouthed smartass. The deluded, immature boy-man. He's the classic Reclamation Project, and female moviegoers just eat it up. Cusack was introduced to audiences in the big-hair decade of the 1980's in the teen romantic comedies of "Sixteen Candles" (he had a small cameo), "The Sure Thing", "Say Anything" and one of my personal favourites, the dark-humoured "Better Off Dead". It was the latter film that truly endeared this actor to me, and I've had a not-so-secret crush on him ever since. Though he may not be classically handsome nor totally buff through his body, that fact alone seems to be a great part of his appeal. Cusack's persona is one of the smart, cynical rebel that you might've known in high school. He feels quite accessible.

2. Tom Waits. "Guy With Whom I Can Imagine Getting Completely Annihilated". Genius can make you sexy. Take singer/songwriter/actor Tom Waits for instance. He ain't pretty, not by a long shot. Waits himself acknowledges his lack of conventional good-looks with characteristic self-deprecating humour in Goin' Out West: "Well my friends think I'm ugly, I got a masculine face" and in the song's classic chorus:

Well I know karate, Voodoo too / I'm gonna make myself available to you / I don't need no make up / I got real scars / I got hair on my chest / I look good without a shirt.

Yeah, baby. Waits' is totally hot in my books. I love his poignant, "been drinking cleaning products all night" poetics and trademark deep, gravelly voice.

3. James Marsters ("Spike" on the now-defunct TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer). "Guy With Whom I'd Most Like to Spend a Cursed, Undead Eternity." Ever since Bram Stoker penned "Dracula", the fable of the vampire has been associated with both sex and death. To date, there have been a number of serious scholarly examinations into the cultural phenomenon of the vampire and their apparently timeless sex appeal. The fact remains: vampires are damn sexy. The sexiest of these fanged hotties is the character "Spike", played by James Marsters. Marsters' postmodern interpretation of the undead includes the requisite all-black goth attire, bleached-blond hair and eyebrow-piercing. Even the fake British accent adopted by Marsters for his character (undead eurotrash) sounds sexy.

Sexy people are represented by all nationalities, races and ethnicities. Why limit oneself when there's a global buffet of hotties in the world? The only group of people with whom I'd pass the harsh judgment of being wholesale ugly are the aboriginal people of Australia. I mean no offense to any Australian Aborigines who read this or any you may know personally. But seriously ... WOOF!

4. Tony Leung Chiu Wai. "Guy With Whom I'd Most Like to Share a Bowl of Noodles." Often referred to as the Clark Gable of Asian cinema, Hong Kong filmstar Tony Leung first came to my attention in the visually stunning martial-arts epic "Hero", where his hapless character is repeatedly stabbed (by way of retelling the same story) by the object of his affections. My favourite film in which Leung has appeared, however, is the fast-paced crime drama "Infernal Affairs" where the actor sports a black leather jacket and scraggy facial hair. While Leung's signature "sad-eyed, doomed lover" expression makes an appearance throughout this film, it's the scenes in which he lightens-up and cracks a mischievious smile where he is at his most charismatic.

5. Aamir Khan. "Guy With Whom I Might Consider Sitting Through a Cricket Match". One of the main heartthrobs of Bollywood, I first encountered Indian actor Aamir Khan through his roles in Deepa Mehta's "Earth" and the Oscar-nominated film "Lagaan". Although I enjoyed the film less than "Earth", Khan appears his most lean and buff in "Lagaan" where he portrays a poor man who plays for the honour of his village (and the Indian people as a whole) in a cricket match against those wicked, arrogant British. A heavy-handed "brown people good, white people bad" film, but the interspersed Bollywood-style musical numbers are toe-tappin' fun.


Oops .. sounds like Ridley has just awoke from his nap. I'll continue this (no doubt) fascinating List later.