Today, November 29th, 2005, Ridley Michael Linton-Martin was unquestionably the cleanest baby on Bowmore Road.

I'll give you the backstory. For the past four days, Ridley has been wracked with the pain of teething. As a result, he has been an uncharacteristically poor eater and sleeper. The morning nap essentially disappeared. Baby food went uneaten. The only thing that this baby would accept into his mouth without much hesitation was my nipple. Hence, the majority of his nutrients were coming from breastmilk.

Now, those among you who have breastfed an infant (or are the partners of breastfeeding mothers) will know that an exclusively breastfed baby produces an unique type of bowel movement: mustard yellow, sometimes frothy, often very wet and runny. In a very young infant, these yellow BMs are frequent but generally not too massive in quantity at any given time as the baby is not so large.

Now imagine that this exclusively breastfed infant weighs over 25 lbs. and is nearly one year in age. Ah huh. We're talkin' spillage, folks. Massive amounts of wet yellow poo oozing out of every nook and cranny of the hapless, overloaded diaper. Thus, on November 29th Ridley had three changes of clothes, I had at least two, and yes, Ridley had three baths in one day.

Like I said, the cleanest baby on Bowmore.